my pint glass is empty

I mentioned that it'd been a while since I felt sobriety. Tonight is the night.

I'm having a pretty good day off so I'm willing to take my chances with a breakdown.

I went to the chiropractor, my back feels amazing (its been jacked for like 2 weeks). I think people that poo-poo chiropractors either went to a bad one or never went to one at all.

I also had a coffee date... I'm aware I said no more first dates, but I thought the coffee date was an acceptable loophole in my resolution. Plus this girl doesn't drink so there's not a ton of possibility for a casual run in. I also mentioned that I exchanged blogs with a girl, so I gotta watch my footing. I'm breaking rules like Electric Boogaloo. It went better than expected. I think its the first time I met a new chick without having a few beers first (a trick a southern girl taught me).

Third I started a painting I've been procrastinating on, that has a deadline coming up. I actually made decent progress, listened to jams and enjoyed it. Weird.

I made slamming veggie eats, watched LOST, and read.

Cut to the chase. I actually started to freak out a little. When I was staring the painting. I began losing my shit about my decision to be a working artist years ago. I pictured being toothless and destitute at age 50 because of how precarious it is to make your living creatively. I started doubting my ability. I couldn't help reminding myself of how lazy I am, and how it'll never work, I will fail.

FUCK!

I talked myself down. Sat. Concentrated on the painting. I felt better. I have to make art. Good art. That way I won't fail. I started good art tonight.

PS.

I'm calling Southern Girl "Cousin Fucker" from now on to see if she still reads my blog.

HA!