The conclusion

Wednesday night wasn't all that crazy. My ex ended up rescheduling the exchange of my left behind belongings. That was a relief, unfortunately its only postponed to next week.

I met with Karen as planned and our married friends went to dinner with us. They later went home leaving Karen and I to ourselves. We had drinks at the bar where Josh works did a little after hours then went to my apartment. I lost my nerve once again and had another night of spooning with her. 

I'm really not that much of a pussy, but there's a long standing, quality friendship here. The vibes are hard to read, and too forward of an act could undermine the trust and utterly betray the friendship. I don't want that, its creepy and I'm already feeling like a creep. Besides spooning with a beautiful girl is never a bad thing. We woke up spent a lot of time lounging around, it was so comfortable and pleasant. I felt like a million bucks and could not yet feel the hangover. Which took over the minute she had to leave and kept me in bed until 2 pm with the smell of her hair on the pillow.

Fast forward to Friday night. I met Karen and friends for dancing. But blew off other friends at a birthday party.  I've also been blowing off  Julie for over a week now. Fun night, went back to married couples house where Josh happens to live. Typical house drinking after-party. Around 4:30 everyone's milling around getting ready to go home. Karen asked me if I was staying...

I lingered until we were alone. 

Then I dropped the bomb.

I said "I noticed lately that I may have a slight crush on you, and feel weird about it. And rather than be shady and plotting I thought I'd tell you, and be up front about it." She felt similarly and said she was glad I told her and its not that weird. A lot of awkward silence ensued and she asked me to spend the night. I did but still couldn't bring myself to kiss her. We had some intermittent talking and just went to sleep, more spooning. I suck. Its too much and too weird, plus I still have Julie to think about.

I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Despite trying to stay single and not be a serial monogamist, It seems like I'm hoping from casual encounter to casual encounter, and now am involving a close friend.

My plan is to clear the decks of women, not get involved at all. And look forward to slowly seeing where my crush on Karen goes now that its in the open. She lives 2 hours away and our work schedules aren't even slightly similar. Its a pretty pitiful outlook at best. I don't know why I'm bothering, except for the fact that we've never had any type of timing to get together, and I've always had a thing for her. The timing is bad now but fuck it, I want to give it a shot anyways.