God Damn Strippers

Tonight was my second night out with ridiculous strippers. They are like a bottomless cup of fun and hilarity, like cartoons. Love these girls in all honestly. My friend "Bob" was chosen as my wing man in these 2 endeavors, and he owes me. 

The first night out we danced, did after hours and a diner. We were kept men, all drinks cabs and food were insistently covered. The girls robbed the diner blind of everything on the table most of which exploded on the sidewalk as it fell from their tiny clothing.  They did leave a massive tip to cover the assholery.

Tonight was more of the same minus diner robbery because there aren't too many all night diners in Philly. That and we couldn't have them paying for everything again.

So much fun that I really needed. I am too drunk and not able to do justice to how fantastic these girls are.  I think the key was to go out and have a good time and not try to have sex with them just because of what they do for a living. However a little good clean making out never hurt anyone. 

Vaj Tease

So there's three girls lately that I run into with semi regularity, and my ex that are all trying to get in my pants these days. I'm not bragging. I'm trying to keep the ladies at arms length right now.  They are all attractive and cool in their own ways, and they each carry their own big ass red flag. I kinda love the attention, but no amount of alcohol will result in follow through on my part. I just take it to the edge of my own temptation and call it a night. 

I've mentioned my friend (Karen) that I'm attempting to date before, it seems to be fizzling out. I'm losing interest and its beginning to feel a little forced on both sides (that's a whole entry in itself that I don't feel like writing, but may if the conclusion is snappy). She was one reason for staying out of trouble. The main reason was to lay low and pull my head in a little, so I don't feel certain that I'm faking it. Plus dating is fucking stressful and I needed a break for the most part.

I'm realizing that its pretty fun to have a few girls all trying hard that I don't intend on anything with. I even told one that "I'm doing a celibate thing right now"  which is making her try harder. My closest friend is a girl. Whenever she's single she always has at least six dudes in her spider web, and when she's bored she'll tug on one of the strings. The dude she ends up dating always comes out of left field. I've never gone about it that way and always felt it was a little cruel. I've also never had a time period long enough without at least a slight commitment to develop a selection.

I'm sure now that I've noticed my -not at all interested but I'll play along- vibe that I seem to be giving off will shift and stop working.  

*The ex got a mention, but as a rule I don't do the booty call thing. My entry "Ex Bomb" covers some of the details. 

Crushes

Tonight I invented a new crush out of thin air like David Copperfield, though I feel like his thing is making things disappear. I did a background check with some friends that know her a little better and they separately warned me that she's crazy. My first impulse was "she's hot and seems cool, she's probably not crazy, that's just how she's perceived." Upon more consideration I decided to trust my friends better judgement and pass down the verdict of crazy. That is all. 

Ex Bomb

Lately I've been feeling increasingly happier each day. The weather is turning to spring, I'm growing more comfortable inside my skin, I have an out of town fling going on, I'm going to Paris, etc. I'm generally feeling enlivened and looking forward to the coming months. 

Naturally the cosmic GPS has alerted my ex to my upbeat vibe so that she can interrupt my life and shit all over it. It started with an awkward run in. She was at one of my usual spots with some friends specifically a dude named Shadow (his "real" name is just as absurd, so no exaggeration). Shadow is your typical cyber/goth tool box who was a player in our break up.  This didn't phase me too bad honestly. I've been busy in the seeing new people department, Philly is a small town. We exchanged a few how are you doing pleasantries and that was it. Until the next day when I got a "lets get a drink" text (she quit drinking). Not wanting to come off as in any way phased by our run in I agreed. I proceeded to get hammered as I do prior to any unwanted conversation with a girl. We met, I got more hammered. The conversation migrated toward her explaining "how much she misses me, nothing is going on with Shadow, I still love you, I made a mistake" blah blah. I stopped it by saying I'm willing to attempt being friends and that's it.

The following day I got an enormous email full of all the fabricated clarity of hindsight. I didn't respond. The next day I got some wacky texts to remind me of how funny she still is. Yesterday I got a phone call seeing if I wanted to see a movie with her. CRAZY!!! She's really not crazy, or pathetic, she's really stepping out of character here. I text " I'm willing (but as a rule don't) to try being just friends but I need you to back off." 

I'm doubt I will take an active role in that friendship at this point in time. Obviously its too soon or impossible.  I'm not super upset or tempted to get involved with her at all. However, my mood in general has taken a dive. All the positives in my life that I'm trying to focus on and build from feel lack-luster. All the negative more apparent. Its fucking bullshit.

This isn't the first time she's managed to stick her ass in my face when things begin to go well for me. She has a super power for sensing it every time it seems. I really don't want to be a jerk to her, I hope it won't come to that. I can't have her disrupting my life again.

  Life is good.

 Last night I had a run in with new boobs. Its like how your supposed to pause and check out the roses from time to time. There is little better in life than new boobs. Tonight I got free beer and shot from the real hot bartender at the Barbary, and when I turned to walk away she grabbed my ass. Followed by dancing with two pretty and awesome girls all night. 

Nights like this help me to wipe away my tears of unfathomable boredom that happen occasionally. So I can be reminded be of how great it is to be unattached. Plus it didn't feel like fucking winter. 

Single Vacation Tax

I've been debating a vacation for a few months. I haven't had one in over three years. Part of the reason for that was my ex was a dead-beat. I couldn't afford both the lost pay (I work on commission) and paying for her, because I was too busy paying all of our bills. These days I have the possibility for a solo trip to Europe. In doing so I can eat like a dirt bag, stay in the crappiest hotel, and do whatever pleases me. Vacationing with a girl has certain fundamental requirements. There is an inherent compulsion to do things on the nicer side. There's also having to agree on what to do, and hoping she is sufficiently entertained and happy. It becomes the relationship's (her) vacation, its annoying. In short, any vacation I've had involved a girl, and I always found myself making too many compromises.

I decided on Paris for six nights the first week of May. In the process of finding deals and talking to people I had a shocking revelation. All the best ones require two adult travelers! As soon as you change the booking to one adult the price goes from $700+ per person to $1100+! What the hell? After digging around for a while I managed to find a package where I was only taxed an extra $200 for being a loser. My hotel should be interesting, its definitely crappy and in the very active red light district. However the location is amazing. I can imagine the would be complaints from any of my ex's and it makes me laugh.

With my trip booked and feeling elated I thought I'd tell my parents what I've been up to. Neither of them have been to Europe, and I was looking forward to their reactions.

It goes like this:

me: I'm going to Paris in May for a week!!!!

parents: who are you going with?

me: I'm going alone it's going to be great!!!

 ---long pause--- 

Mom: you're going to the most romantic city in the world alone?

that sucks.

me: No it's great, I'll do whatever I want and be a weirdo artist in

Paris!!!

Mom: I still don't know why you'd pick Paris, can't you take that

New York girl with you? It would be so nice.

ME: Mom, your missing the point.

My Dad was a little kinder but just as perplexed. Despite a big maneuver to pull my shit together and find my feet my parents think I'm more of a hot mess than ever. I don't require their validation, but even at my age I still like a little parental praise.

I am aware of the one thing a couple vacation has to offer which I will miss out on, that being vacation sex. I'm going to try to make lemon-aids out of that and attempt international stranger sex. If I can meet a french girl that isn't a hooker.

Being single is boring and lonely sometimes. I'm fighting the urge to aimlessly go to a bar, and debating calling people I never hang out with to hang out. I feel like I'm going through detox.  Stupid itchy invisible spiders.