Red Flags

This post is about sexual errors. Coincidentally as I'm typing there is a huge red error banner at the top of the screen because auto save isn't working. A sexual error is one of those times when you know you know better but ignore the inevitable carnage and dive into the abyss that is sleeping with a crazy person.

It unfolded in the way that a stream can carve a canyon, persistent erosion of fortitude, oh and alcohol. One night after months of Psycho Girl working on me I ended up at her place to hang out. Just friends. The voice of good sense was still strong in my brain that night.

Her place: Take your shoes off at the door (I've hated no shoes houses since age 5). It was obscenely neat and orderly, including doilies under every decorative plant or knick knack on every surface. Her complete Martha Stewart Living collection was on display in her hutch. Yes a 27 year old with a hutch. She has a real grandma sensibility about home decor. She showed me her target from the shooting range which was a 70's style male bandit. I couldn't help but notice the number of holes in both the head and crotch of this potential assailant and how there weren't many stray holes. Then I got to see PG's childhood photo albums! All this while (no lie, I swear) Cape Fear is playing in the background. Holy crap! I got out alive and couldn't have been more relieved.

I had all the evidence before me, and yet...

After a long dry spell from girls on a usual Monday at a bar with my boss PG was still at it. I hadn't hung out with her alone since seeing her stepford wife's lair. We were talking about dating in the general sense and she said "all I want to do is cook, do laundry, and have sex. What's wrong with that?" I thought, that sounds like a good deal. PG is a cute girl, not thin but not overweight either, physically fine. She has a reputation for being overbearing, jealous, and angry.

Drinks go by...

I started to justify things.

So she has a crazy reputation, maybe she's misunderstood?

Drink...

Maybe its because she really wants a serious boyfriend, I'm open to the possibility, in theory.

Drink...

She's probably really good in bed, I mean she has to be to keep dudes from running away.

Drink...

Maybe I should give her a chance. Or at least have sex with her?

What can I say. I cracked. I slept with Psycho Girl. After the deed was done she said "you're probably going to regret this tomorrow" WHAT!? I assured her that that wasn't the case, and I'd be down for hanging out again sometime. I was (at least sort of), I did.

We have a lot of friends in common. I met her at a small house party several days later. The vibe I got from the women in the room was, he's going to be her boyfriend! They were creepily friendly and inviting, like sirens. Oh, and everyone was doing coke including PG. Not at all my thing.

The next time we hung out I noticed any time I received a text message she was compelled to ask who it was. That's way more annoying than my answering a few text messages, not to mention really intrusive.

By the fourth time we hung out she bought a pair of tickets for an event six weeks away? Near her birthday? Um scary! We went out. We were hanging out with a mutual female friend who is in the same business as I am. The friend "Dee" and I talked for 20 minutes. In the meantime MS went to another floor of the bar. A short while later I saw her leave without so much as a glance, and she looked pissed.

I let a little time pass and I start texting:

CA: where did you go?

PG: I was bored, so I left.

CA: oh, okay. Goodnight.

PG: yeah.

(2 hours later)

PG: have fun with Dee!

CA: what? she's friends with both of us? Talked about work.

PG: whatever, guess she more fun than me.

CA: WHAT??

PG: have a blast!

CA: Um, I'm not at all into unfounded jealousy.

It may have continued a little longer but I don't remember. I stopped hanging out with her. I didn't have a conversation or anything just totally stopped communication. Also my birthday was approaching and I didn't want her involved. I see her around still. I try to say hi but she always does the intentional-look-in-a-different-direction maneuver. She pretends not to notice me, but I can feel her glaring at all times. I'm certain one night there will be some insane loud public attempt to humiliate me, she's done it before.

I can't believe how many red flags I ignored. Its embarrassing.