Note to myself

Hey idiot!

The next time you talk to a girl all night and at 2 am she asks:

"How are you getting home? Do you want a ride?"

don't ever say:

"Nah, its cool, I have my bike."

"Ding!"

Quitting smoking 2 "The Heretic." I'm determined to have this be the last sequel.

Red Flags

This post is about sexual errors. Coincidentally as I'm typing there is a huge red error banner at the top of the screen because auto save isn't working. A sexual error is one of those times when you know you know better but ignore the inevitable carnage and dive into the abyss that is sleeping with a crazy person.

It unfolded in the way that a stream can carve a canyon, persistent erosion of fortitude, oh and alcohol. One night after months of Psycho Girl working on me I ended up at her place to hang out. Just friends. The voice of good sense was still strong in my brain that night.

Her place: Take your shoes off at the door (I've hated no shoes houses since age 5). It was obscenely neat and orderly, including doilies under every decorative plant or knick knack on every surface. Her complete Martha Stewart Living collection was on display in her hutch. Yes a 27 year old with a hutch. She has a real grandma sensibility about home decor. She showed me her target from the shooting range which was a 70's style male bandit. I couldn't help but notice the number of holes in both the head and crotch of this potential assailant and how there weren't many stray holes. Then I got to see PG's childhood photo albums! All this while (no lie, I swear) Cape Fear is playing in the background. Holy crap! I got out alive and couldn't have been more relieved.

I had all the evidence before me, and yet...

After a long dry spell from girls on a usual Monday at a bar with my boss PG was still at it. I hadn't hung out with her alone since seeing her stepford wife's lair. We were talking about dating in the general sense and she said "all I want to do is cook, do laundry, and have sex. What's wrong with that?" I thought, that sounds like a good deal. PG is a cute girl, not thin but not overweight either, physically fine. She has a reputation for being overbearing, jealous, and angry.

Drinks go by...

I started to justify things.

So she has a crazy reputation, maybe she's misunderstood?

Drink...

Maybe its because she really wants a serious boyfriend, I'm open to the possibility, in theory.

Drink...

She's probably really good in bed, I mean she has to be to keep dudes from running away.

Drink...

Maybe I should give her a chance. Or at least have sex with her?

What can I say. I cracked. I slept with Psycho Girl. After the deed was done she said "you're probably going to regret this tomorrow" WHAT!? I assured her that that wasn't the case, and I'd be down for hanging out again sometime. I was (at least sort of), I did.

We have a lot of friends in common. I met her at a small house party several days later. The vibe I got from the women in the room was, he's going to be her boyfriend! They were creepily friendly and inviting, like sirens. Oh, and everyone was doing coke including PG. Not at all my thing.

The next time we hung out I noticed any time I received a text message she was compelled to ask who it was. That's way more annoying than my answering a few text messages, not to mention really intrusive.

By the fourth time we hung out she bought a pair of tickets for an event six weeks away? Near her birthday? Um scary! We went out. We were hanging out with a mutual female friend who is in the same business as I am. The friend "Dee" and I talked for 20 minutes. In the meantime MS went to another floor of the bar. A short while later I saw her leave without so much as a glance, and she looked pissed.

I let a little time pass and I start texting:

CA: where did you go?

PG: I was bored, so I left.

CA: oh, okay. Goodnight.

PG: yeah.

(2 hours later)

PG: have fun with Dee!

CA: what? she's friends with both of us? Talked about work.

PG: whatever, guess she more fun than me.

CA: WHAT??

PG: have a blast!

CA: Um, I'm not at all into unfounded jealousy.

It may have continued a little longer but I don't remember. I stopped hanging out with her. I didn't have a conversation or anything just totally stopped communication. Also my birthday was approaching and I didn't want her involved. I see her around still. I try to say hi but she always does the intentional-look-in-a-different-direction maneuver. She pretends not to notice me, but I can feel her glaring at all times. I'm certain one night there will be some insane loud public attempt to humiliate me, she's done it before.

I can't believe how many red flags I ignored. Its embarrassing.

First dates are for friends

Last night I went on my fourth and final "first date" since my breakup almost two years ago. Any of the women I have had anything going on with in that time weren't the ones that I went on a date with, at least initially.

I have been chatting up Kitchen Witch for a couple weeks, she works at bar I frequent. My options for making moves were: "hey what are you up to after work?" meaning 2 am, meaning my apartment to do it. Or "hey do you wanna hang out sometime when you're not working?" meaning date, meaning let's see how it goes before we do it. I chose the latter.

The lead up and the details of the date are pretty standard and unimportant. We had a good time, there was a lot to talk about, it was cool. Snore... I wasn't feeling it and neither was she. I did have a crush on her going in, but there was no mojo. She called it first, I was relieved. It was over by 9.

I managed to resurrect the night by going out and bumping into some girls I know. I got kissed on the cheek by a girl that I have no interest in, but hanging out with her is always cool. She also helped me dodge an annoying dude I know by yelling at him for interrupting our date, HA! At a different bar a crazy drunk girl said she wanted to "put it on me" and tried really hard to make that happen. Followed by crashing at a really great friend's house, who interestingly enough I went on the first of these four first dates with. What a fun night, there was laughing, crying, falling, punching, yelling, spooning, and even an early AM shame-free walk of shame. I got loads of female attention which I love regardless of the outcome. SOmetimes its better to have no outcome, I guess.

First dates are odd. It's like going on a job interview and bribing your potential employer with free dinner. I'm going to make every effort to avoid such things in the future. If I like a girl the last thing I want is to endure the anemia of sitting across the table from her. Its WAY to much pressure, and its self defeating in the spontaneity department.

Old Tricks

My run in with Nurse Girl was short lived. We hung out a couple times made out had fun but it seems to have run its course. I may have gotten a little too stoked about it.

It happens a lot more often than not with me that girls are interested and want to continue to date and get relationship minded. I've talked about that plenty of times. I tend to take it for granted, and get all surprised when it doesn't go that way.

I had suspicions that maybe this would be a quick one. This girl, of any of the women I've dated in the last two years really got my attention. She's extremely beautiful, really cool, and hilarious. I saw a nice bit of potential with her. I found myself texting more than I should, thinking about her WAY more than I should, and really looking forward to seeing what unfolds. All speed no gas, sputter sputter choke.

I made all my moves recklessly with it in mind that it always works out for me. HA! I'm not very good at not acting how I feel about a girl. I suppose with past women I was interested enough to get to know them, and realize its not for me. Thus being a challenge to them and increasing my appeal. In this case I was pretty clear that I was into her, subtly of course. I lost the advantage and she lost interest. Or maybe I've been reading too many dating sites, possibly the Dennis system(I just watched it.)

The night of shame is worth mentioning. I met NG at a bar/small venue to see her friend's band. Her crew was rolling deep, I came solo. I didn't really see the point in bringing back up.

She was cool but easily distracted. I thought "okay all her friends are here, and she doesn't want to babysit the new guy." I can hold my own with strangers, I wasn't terribly worried. Her B.F.F. is another story. That girl obnoxiously would not leave her side, dragged her all over the bar, interrupted any and all conversations I had with NG, and gave me one word responses to any attempts to talk to her. Totally horrible, I wanted to throw my beer in her face. It was probably planned, but the friend way overdid it. I finally caught NG alone and blah blah blah, bad timing speech. Sweet. To top it off, my ex was hanging out in my usual bar when I bolted, and she doesn't even drink.

Next is The Kitchen Witch.