Vaj Tease

So there's three girls lately that I run into with semi regularity, and my ex that are all trying to get in my pants these days. I'm not bragging. I'm trying to keep the ladies at arms length right now.  They are all attractive and cool in their own ways, and they each carry their own big ass red flag. I kinda love the attention, but no amount of alcohol will result in follow through on my part. I just take it to the edge of my own temptation and call it a night. 

I've mentioned my friend (Karen) that I'm attempting to date before, it seems to be fizzling out. I'm losing interest and its beginning to feel a little forced on both sides (that's a whole entry in itself that I don't feel like writing, but may if the conclusion is snappy). She was one reason for staying out of trouble. The main reason was to lay low and pull my head in a little, so I don't feel certain that I'm faking it. Plus dating is fucking stressful and I needed a break for the most part.

I'm realizing that its pretty fun to have a few girls all trying hard that I don't intend on anything with. I even told one that "I'm doing a celibate thing right now"  which is making her try harder. My closest friend is a girl. Whenever she's single she always has at least six dudes in her spider web, and when she's bored she'll tug on one of the strings. The dude she ends up dating always comes out of left field. I've never gone about it that way and always felt it was a little cruel. I've also never had a time period long enough without at least a slight commitment to develop a selection.

I'm sure now that I've noticed my -not at all interested but I'll play along- vibe that I seem to be giving off will shift and stop working.  

*The ex got a mention, but as a rule I don't do the booty call thing. My entry "Ex Bomb" covers some of the details. 

Crushes

Tonight I invented a new crush out of thin air like David Copperfield, though I feel like his thing is making things disappear. I did a background check with some friends that know her a little better and they separately warned me that she's crazy. My first impulse was "she's hot and seems cool, she's probably not crazy, that's just how she's perceived." Upon more consideration I decided to trust my friends better judgement and pass down the verdict of crazy. That is all. 

Ex Bomb

Lately I've been feeling increasingly happier each day. The weather is turning to spring, I'm growing more comfortable inside my skin, I have an out of town fling going on, I'm going to Paris, etc. I'm generally feeling enlivened and looking forward to the coming months. 

Naturally the cosmic GPS has alerted my ex to my upbeat vibe so that she can interrupt my life and shit all over it. It started with an awkward run in. She was at one of my usual spots with some friends specifically a dude named Shadow (his "real" name is just as absurd, so no exaggeration). Shadow is your typical cyber/goth tool box who was a player in our break up.  This didn't phase me too bad honestly. I've been busy in the seeing new people department, Philly is a small town. We exchanged a few how are you doing pleasantries and that was it. Until the next day when I got a "lets get a drink" text (she quit drinking). Not wanting to come off as in any way phased by our run in I agreed. I proceeded to get hammered as I do prior to any unwanted conversation with a girl. We met, I got more hammered. The conversation migrated toward her explaining "how much she misses me, nothing is going on with Shadow, I still love you, I made a mistake" blah blah. I stopped it by saying I'm willing to attempt being friends and that's it.

The following day I got an enormous email full of all the fabricated clarity of hindsight. I didn't respond. The next day I got some wacky texts to remind me of how funny she still is. Yesterday I got a phone call seeing if I wanted to see a movie with her. CRAZY!!! She's really not crazy, or pathetic, she's really stepping out of character here. I text " I'm willing (but as a rule don't) to try being just friends but I need you to back off." 

I'm doubt I will take an active role in that friendship at this point in time. Obviously its too soon or impossible.  I'm not super upset or tempted to get involved with her at all. However, my mood in general has taken a dive. All the positives in my life that I'm trying to focus on and build from feel lack-luster. All the negative more apparent. Its fucking bullshit.

This isn't the first time she's managed to stick her ass in my face when things begin to go well for me. She has a super power for sensing it every time it seems. I really don't want to be a jerk to her, I hope it won't come to that. I can't have her disrupting my life again.

  Life is good.

 Last night I had a run in with new boobs. Its like how your supposed to pause and check out the roses from time to time. There is little better in life than new boobs. Tonight I got free beer and shot from the real hot bartender at the Barbary, and when I turned to walk away she grabbed my ass. Followed by dancing with two pretty and awesome girls all night. 

Nights like this help me to wipe away my tears of unfathomable boredom that happen occasionally. So I can be reminded be of how great it is to be unattached. Plus it didn't feel like fucking winter. 

Single Vacation Tax

I've been debating a vacation for a few months. I haven't had one in over three years. Part of the reason for that was my ex was a dead-beat. I couldn't afford both the lost pay (I work on commission) and paying for her, because I was too busy paying all of our bills. These days I have the possibility for a solo trip to Europe. In doing so I can eat like a dirt bag, stay in the crappiest hotel, and do whatever pleases me. Vacationing with a girl has certain fundamental requirements. There is an inherent compulsion to do things on the nicer side. There's also having to agree on what to do, and hoping she is sufficiently entertained and happy. It becomes the relationship's (her) vacation, its annoying. In short, any vacation I've had involved a girl, and I always found myself making too many compromises.

I decided on Paris for six nights the first week of May. In the process of finding deals and talking to people I had a shocking revelation. All the best ones require two adult travelers! As soon as you change the booking to one adult the price goes from $700+ per person to $1100+! What the hell? After digging around for a while I managed to find a package where I was only taxed an extra $200 for being a loser. My hotel should be interesting, its definitely crappy and in the very active red light district. However the location is amazing. I can imagine the would be complaints from any of my ex's and it makes me laugh.

With my trip booked and feeling elated I thought I'd tell my parents what I've been up to. Neither of them have been to Europe, and I was looking forward to their reactions.

It goes like this:

me: I'm going to Paris in May for a week!!!!

parents: who are you going with?

me: I'm going alone it's going to be great!!!

 ---long pause--- 

Mom: you're going to the most romantic city in the world alone?

that sucks.

me: No it's great, I'll do whatever I want and be a weirdo artist in

Paris!!!

Mom: I still don't know why you'd pick Paris, can't you take that

New York girl with you? It would be so nice.

ME: Mom, your missing the point.

My Dad was a little kinder but just as perplexed. Despite a big maneuver to pull my shit together and find my feet my parents think I'm more of a hot mess than ever. I don't require their validation, but even at my age I still like a little parental praise.

I am aware of the one thing a couple vacation has to offer which I will miss out on, that being vacation sex. I'm going to try to make lemon-aids out of that and attempt international stranger sex. If I can meet a french girl that isn't a hooker.

Being single is boring and lonely sometimes. I'm fighting the urge to aimlessly go to a bar, and debating calling people I never hang out with to hang out. I feel like I'm going through detox.  Stupid itchy invisible spiders.

Round Three

I visited my long time friend with whom I have a pleasantly bubbling science experiment of late (I've been calling her Karen here). The back story is in previous posts. This was the first time we've seen each other since we expressed our mutual curiosity in each other. 

Day 1

For my first night in her town initially we had plans to hang out alone but she switched it up last minute. I wasn't a fan of the new plan. It was dinner and drinks with her best friend female roommate, her gay friend (neither of whom I've met) and my oldest friend. I appreciated her consideration in supplying me with back up to counter her special forces unit. It was clear that I needed to charm her, the best friend, and the gay friend enough so he says something like "Girl! if you don't I will!" and she says "You bitch! you get all the good ones." It went well. I did a decent job all around except I think I may have spent more effort on her friends than I did on her.  This whole thing is so precarious I really need her people on my side. We went our separate ways at the end and hugged goodnight... damn. Then I went to agonize the details over beers with the dude I've been friends with for 25 years.

Day 2 

I met Karen at her job when she was finishing up so we could drive back to her place together. She suggested we make dinner followed by a bar hop. Sounds as though the likely post-hangout girl talk session was favorable. We made dinner the mood was playful and good. Her roommate came home and asked me for a male's perspective on a dude she has a run in with, awesome! Karen and I killed 2 bottles of wine then went out. We happened on a bar with a jazz hip hop group performing that was really great. Drank/talked/drank etc until 3 am.

We arrived at her door. Despite our long history, I felt it would be cheating to skip the awkward outside the door posturing that occurs at the end of any good first date. I pulled her aside and explained this, she played along for a minute and said "Can we just go inside already? Its freezing!" More wine... Smoking on the balcony we started in analyzing how we're friends and this is going to change the dynamic all over with us, and all our mutual friends, blah blah blah. I grabbed her waist at a pause and kissed her. We went up stairs pretended to watch television while having a PG13 make out session then passed out. 

In the morning she made me breakfast then we made the 2 hour drive back to Philly together (our home towns are Philly suburbs, and she had some family stuff going on). We talked the whole way on relationship failures of the past, ugh. We are both extremely jaded. I kissed her goodbye and hopped out of the car late for work. We left it as "we'll see what happens." We also devised an absurd cover story to tell our friends to keep the gossip wheel from grinding us into a paste. One couple went so far as to say " We're rooting for you guys, we need a new power couple" WHAT?! No thanks.

I'm not emboldened enough to claim that I have successfully transversed the friendship gap, but I do seem to be on the way.