Vaj Tease

So there's three girls lately that I run into with semi regularity, and my ex that are all trying to get in my pants these days. I'm not bragging. I'm trying to keep the ladies at arms length right now.  They are all attractive and cool in their own ways, and they each carry their own big ass red flag. I kinda love the attention, but no amount of alcohol will result in follow through on my part. I just take it to the edge of my own temptation and call it a night. 

I've mentioned my friend (Karen) that I'm attempting to date before, it seems to be fizzling out. I'm losing interest and its beginning to feel a little forced on both sides (that's a whole entry in itself that I don't feel like writing, but may if the conclusion is snappy). She was one reason for staying out of trouble. The main reason was to lay low and pull my head in a little, so I don't feel certain that I'm faking it. Plus dating is fucking stressful and I needed a break for the most part.

I'm realizing that its pretty fun to have a few girls all trying hard that I don't intend on anything with. I even told one that "I'm doing a celibate thing right now"  which is making her try harder. My closest friend is a girl. Whenever she's single she always has at least six dudes in her spider web, and when she's bored she'll tug on one of the strings. The dude she ends up dating always comes out of left field. I've never gone about it that way and always felt it was a little cruel. I've also never had a time period long enough without at least a slight commitment to develop a selection.

I'm sure now that I've noticed my -not at all interested but I'll play along- vibe that I seem to be giving off will shift and stop working.  

*The ex got a mention, but as a rule I don't do the booty call thing. My entry "Ex Bomb" covers some of the details. 

Crushes

Tonight I invented a new crush out of thin air like David Copperfield, though I feel like his thing is making things disappear. I did a background check with some friends that know her a little better and they separately warned me that she's crazy. My first impulse was "she's hot and seems cool, she's probably not crazy, that's just how she's perceived." Upon more consideration I decided to trust my friends better judgement and pass down the verdict of crazy. That is all. 

Ex Bomb

Lately I've been feeling increasingly happier each day. The weather is turning to spring, I'm growing more comfortable inside my skin, I have an out of town fling going on, I'm going to Paris, etc. I'm generally feeling enlivened and looking forward to the coming months. 

Naturally the cosmic GPS has alerted my ex to my upbeat vibe so that she can interrupt my life and shit all over it. It started with an awkward run in. She was at one of my usual spots with some friends specifically a dude named Shadow (his "real" name is just as absurd, so no exaggeration). Shadow is your typical cyber/goth tool box who was a player in our break up.  This didn't phase me too bad honestly. I've been busy in the seeing new people department, Philly is a small town. We exchanged a few how are you doing pleasantries and that was it. Until the next day when I got a "lets get a drink" text (she quit drinking). Not wanting to come off as in any way phased by our run in I agreed. I proceeded to get hammered as I do prior to any unwanted conversation with a girl. We met, I got more hammered. The conversation migrated toward her explaining "how much she misses me, nothing is going on with Shadow, I still love you, I made a mistake" blah blah. I stopped it by saying I'm willing to attempt being friends and that's it.

The following day I got an enormous email full of all the fabricated clarity of hindsight. I didn't respond. The next day I got some wacky texts to remind me of how funny she still is. Yesterday I got a phone call seeing if I wanted to see a movie with her. CRAZY!!! She's really not crazy, or pathetic, she's really stepping out of character here. I text " I'm willing (but as a rule don't) to try being just friends but I need you to back off." 

I'm doubt I will take an active role in that friendship at this point in time. Obviously its too soon or impossible.  I'm not super upset or tempted to get involved with her at all. However, my mood in general has taken a dive. All the positives in my life that I'm trying to focus on and build from feel lack-luster. All the negative more apparent. Its fucking bullshit.

This isn't the first time she's managed to stick her ass in my face when things begin to go well for me. She has a super power for sensing it every time it seems. I really don't want to be a jerk to her, I hope it won't come to that. I can't have her disrupting my life again.