Pick Up Artist

Friday the 13th I was at my usual bar with a friend of mine after work. Pretty standard night. Then an amazingly attractive girl sat down at the other end of the bar. Alone.

Glance, panic, glance, panic.... STOP GLANCING IDIOT!

I decided that I didn't have the proper energy level and still a little too heartbroken to talk to a beautiful girl cold. I mentioned all this to my friend. He insisted I go talk to her, "Nope, can't pull it off tonight." Not to mention, I think I've actually ever done this once before.

He was getting up to go have a smoke when he says loudly enough for anyone in a 10 foot radius to hear "Hey Bob, get that girl another drink and put it on Chronically Attached's tab!"

Oh god, now I'm on the spot AND look like a total pussy.

So, I spent 10 seconds devising a plan and walked over sweating like a boxing montage. I apologized for my friend embarrassing the both of us and started a chat. We talked all night. We made each other laugh and had a good time. I walked her to her car and she said "Man I am wired, what do you want to do?" (my inner dialogue) Huh? really? Wait... is this actually happening?

We went back to my apartment. As luck would have it I had a bottle of wine I brought back from Paris, a painting on an easel that I'm working on, clean bathroom, and my itunes was on point for her musical taste. I could not have been in a better position to wow a cool girl. The best part is that it was all legit. We talked for a bit, made out for a bit, moved it to the bedroom. I said "lets keep it light and not do it tonight" I saw her eyes light up and a smile flash on her face. We went to sleep around 5 am.

The next morning she said "we're hanging out again, right?" we exchanged numbers and kissed goodbye.

Totally awesome.

I'll call her Nurse Girl in future posts.

I may have met a mind blowing girl.

Friends

I've been meaning to write about my friendships, and how I've noticed changes in the dynamic. Alliances, wars, baby making, real jobs, marriage, divorce, alcoholism, petty betrayal, its all blowing apart and realigning.

I used to have a very tight core of friends for the better part of a decade. We went through our twenties together. We all survived, well... all but one, and held it together as a family, picking each other up when we fall. Laughing about all of the head wounds and broken teeth and nights gone daylight.

We are all friends still, but priorities have changed. Splits have happened. I'm feeling a little bit like I'm on an island.

There's the 9-5 weekend warriors that I never see since my career is the polar opposite. We don't have as much in common, they're settling in and I'm still searching for answers. They have an occasional BBQ or birthday party. These are the ones that were shocked and wide-eyed when I suggested shots one night out. Apparently when you're in your thirties its frowned upon in favor of micro brews that taste like ass.

There are the shut-ins who never want to go outside of a three block radius from their home and prefer the depressing corner bar. We still hang out and its fun once every couple weeks. We have meaningful conversations. However I feel like I'm the only one interested in trying anything new. My closest friend falls in this category.

Then there's the completely unreliable must-be-out-and-crazy-at-all-times, self servers. Who are on a constant quest to find someone to hook up with, or top the last crazy story they had. And don't seem to have an attention span for anything else. I guess I fall into this category the most. Except these are the friends who's retail and bar jobs don't really matter. My job is very important to me and I usually get annoyed with how drunk people get when they start either at work, or hours before I meet up. Their thing is a little more shallow than what I'm interested in.

The problem with these three camps is that each is its own subcategory of the whole, and they tend to criticize the others. My problem is that my schedule and interests being what they are, I don't feel a real connection to any one. I float in between, and feel like an outsider among people that I've never felt that way with. It bums me out and makes me feel lonely.

So what do I do?

I don't know.

I tend to go out alone a lot to "see what happens." I feel like a transplant in my home town because I don't really know anyone. I'm becoming a barfly. I went to Paris alone to be a barfly. I tell myself that it's cool because I'm a brooding artist drinking shitty beer, who could give a fuck about anything around me. Lies. I try to look interesting (whatever that means), so that I get into weird bar talks with other flies. The idea of forging valuable connections with new people seems pointless. I spent thirteen years finding the best of the best. I don't have the time, or the stupidity to do it again. I have met a couple new people that I really care about and count among my good friends.

I suppose I'm jealous of certain aspects of each of the groups my friends have divided into, but can't embrace the doctrine of any one.

I thought this blog was over.

I've been at it again.

This summer saw the demise of a couple girls that were unfortunate enough to meet me. I still haven't mastered the art of hanging out with a girl and not having them get all wedged into my life. I jump ship as soon as they start thinking I'm boyfriend material. I mean, I am but I'm not about to give up on whatever it is I'm failing to learn as a single dude.

That doesn't matter though.

I had recently decided to break my long standing policy regarding ex's.

Which is: Friendly, not friends. No booty calls, or getting back together. Ever! and under no circumstances.

There was never a specific reason for this rule, I've always thought it was good common sense and abided by it. There have been plenty of difficult nights of weakness, in either the sad or wanting to do it ways, where I was severely tempted. I always held my ground and waited for the morning.

That changed in August, right around my birthday. She had a gift for me and wanted to take me out to dinner.

After a number of encounters with her, things felt good. We both seemed to have gained a lot of perspective on our lives. I could see the look in her eye, and remembered how exactly the same our sense of humor is. It was like a fire. I could tell she was still into me, and I realized I was too. So, I gave her a silver dollar and a kiss. I threw down my carefully prepared walls to let her in with everything I had. I didn't see the point in being cautious, my rule was broken and I didn't want to blow it by being timid. For the first time in 2 years invested emotions with someone.

It was awesome for a few weeks. It all felt right to me. We were back, and the near future looked fun. Then she started to retract. She was irritable, and less involved. Then she'd switch it up and be really into me. We had some talks, made some compromises, tried to understand. I felt my walls building themselves up again. I lost my usual swagger, and filled with uncertainty. I became her fool, bending and swaying to suit her mood. Not good.

On one fateful, beer inspired night of frustration I snapped. I called her out on her bullshit and said shame on you. The next morning feeling like I'd said too much, I tried to take some of it back and move forward with her. She wasn't into it, it ended.

Damn.

I licked the salt from my wounds and ran into the night on broken legs.

Yesterday I felt stronger, my blood was warm and pumping. My asshole demeanor and snarky arrogance were speaking to me once again. I felt like Frankenstein must have when he got zapped on the rooftop. It feels good.

I'm back on track. Single and not dating.