Life is good.

 Last night I had a run in with new boobs. Its like how your supposed to pause and check out the roses from time to time. There is little better in life than new boobs. Tonight I got free beer and shot from the real hot bartender at the Barbary, and when I turned to walk away she grabbed my ass. Followed by dancing with two pretty and awesome girls all night. 

Nights like this help me to wipe away my tears of unfathomable boredom that happen occasionally. So I can be reminded be of how great it is to be unattached. Plus it didn't feel like fucking winter. 

Single Vacation Tax

I've been debating a vacation for a few months. I haven't had one in over three years. Part of the reason for that was my ex was a dead-beat. I couldn't afford both the lost pay (I work on commission) and paying for her, because I was too busy paying all of our bills. These days I have the possibility for a solo trip to Europe. In doing so I can eat like a dirt bag, stay in the crappiest hotel, and do whatever pleases me. Vacationing with a girl has certain fundamental requirements. There is an inherent compulsion to do things on the nicer side. There's also having to agree on what to do, and hoping she is sufficiently entertained and happy. It becomes the relationship's (her) vacation, its annoying. In short, any vacation I've had involved a girl, and I always found myself making too many compromises.

I decided on Paris for six nights the first week of May. In the process of finding deals and talking to people I had a shocking revelation. All the best ones require two adult travelers! As soon as you change the booking to one adult the price goes from $700+ per person to $1100+! What the hell? After digging around for a while I managed to find a package where I was only taxed an extra $200 for being a loser. My hotel should be interesting, its definitely crappy and in the very active red light district. However the location is amazing. I can imagine the would be complaints from any of my ex's and it makes me laugh.

With my trip booked and feeling elated I thought I'd tell my parents what I've been up to. Neither of them have been to Europe, and I was looking forward to their reactions.

It goes like this:

me: I'm going to Paris in May for a week!!!!

parents: who are you going with?

me: I'm going alone it's going to be great!!!

 ---long pause--- 

Mom: you're going to the most romantic city in the world alone?

that sucks.

me: No it's great, I'll do whatever I want and be a weirdo artist in

Paris!!!

Mom: I still don't know why you'd pick Paris, can't you take that

New York girl with you? It would be so nice.

ME: Mom, your missing the point.

My Dad was a little kinder but just as perplexed. Despite a big maneuver to pull my shit together and find my feet my parents think I'm more of a hot mess than ever. I don't require their validation, but even at my age I still like a little parental praise.

I am aware of the one thing a couple vacation has to offer which I will miss out on, that being vacation sex. I'm going to try to make lemon-aids out of that and attempt international stranger sex. If I can meet a french girl that isn't a hooker.

Being single is boring and lonely sometimes. I'm fighting the urge to aimlessly go to a bar, and debating calling people I never hang out with to hang out. I feel like I'm going through detox.  Stupid itchy invisible spiders.

Round Three

I visited my long time friend with whom I have a pleasantly bubbling science experiment of late (I've been calling her Karen here). The back story is in previous posts. This was the first time we've seen each other since we expressed our mutual curiosity in each other. 

Day 1

For my first night in her town initially we had plans to hang out alone but she switched it up last minute. I wasn't a fan of the new plan. It was dinner and drinks with her best friend female roommate, her gay friend (neither of whom I've met) and my oldest friend. I appreciated her consideration in supplying me with back up to counter her special forces unit. It was clear that I needed to charm her, the best friend, and the gay friend enough so he says something like "Girl! if you don't I will!" and she says "You bitch! you get all the good ones." It went well. I did a decent job all around except I think I may have spent more effort on her friends than I did on her.  This whole thing is so precarious I really need her people on my side. We went our separate ways at the end and hugged goodnight... damn. Then I went to agonize the details over beers with the dude I've been friends with for 25 years.

Day 2 

I met Karen at her job when she was finishing up so we could drive back to her place together. She suggested we make dinner followed by a bar hop. Sounds as though the likely post-hangout girl talk session was favorable. We made dinner the mood was playful and good. Her roommate came home and asked me for a male's perspective on a dude she has a run in with, awesome! Karen and I killed 2 bottles of wine then went out. We happened on a bar with a jazz hip hop group performing that was really great. Drank/talked/drank etc until 3 am.

We arrived at her door. Despite our long history, I felt it would be cheating to skip the awkward outside the door posturing that occurs at the end of any good first date. I pulled her aside and explained this, she played along for a minute and said "Can we just go inside already? Its freezing!" More wine... Smoking on the balcony we started in analyzing how we're friends and this is going to change the dynamic all over with us, and all our mutual friends, blah blah blah. I grabbed her waist at a pause and kissed her. We went up stairs pretended to watch television while having a PG13 make out session then passed out. 

In the morning she made me breakfast then we made the 2 hour drive back to Philly together (our home towns are Philly suburbs, and she had some family stuff going on). We talked the whole way on relationship failures of the past, ugh. We are both extremely jaded. I kissed her goodbye and hopped out of the car late for work. We left it as "we'll see what happens." We also devised an absurd cover story to tell our friends to keep the gossip wheel from grinding us into a paste. One couple went so far as to say " We're rooting for you guys, we need a new power couple" WHAT?! No thanks.

I'm not emboldened enough to claim that I have successfully transversed the friendship gap, but I do seem to be on the way.

Underpants

Yesterday I decided it was time to invest in some new underwear. It then occurred to me that I haven't actually bought my own unmentionables in at least ten years, to the point where I had to check the size. How is this possible for a grown man? Well, in every relationship I've had, my girlfriend at the time has always bought them for me. In the small gaps between I have enough to tide me over until the next girl picks up the mantle. I've never asked for the manty of the month service it has just always been the case. 

 

I'm not sure if the girl of the moment realizes that my ex made all those purchases, or if they actually enjoy it. Maybe they're just observant and realize that I never take it upon myself to freshen up my stock (I'm a clean guy, but I will wear something 'till it falls apart). There's not really ever been a discussion or even a decision on the matter. I always appreciate it, and just figure she'll pick out what she prefers me to wear. The last girl bought me boxer briefs, I've never worn those before. The girl before her bought me wacky boxers usually of the Halloween persuasion, not of the Tweety Bird variety! I do have taste. I would also have to decline anything that comes in a tube. 

I now find myself alone in the world and it seems I have to fend for myself. I went with classic black boxer briefs. They're comfortable enough, and I think its a safe choice for any no-pants-parties I may encounter.

 

Now I'm trying to decide if I should throw out all the old ones. They represent times that have passed, when someone made the effort to do something nice for me. Is it disrespectful to future ladies to wear something my ex wife purchased 5 years ago, probably while giggling to herself about how ridiculous the coffins and skulls are on her newest find?

Serial Monogamist

Apparently a blogger with the name "Serial Monogamist" is really bent out of shape about the fact that I, unknowing of her position as the official trademark holder on the term, have been using Single Monogamist as my handle. I didn't steal it either, its the whole point of my blog. I didn't find out about her until I checked out the "Dating Is Weird" blog of which she is a contributor. Though my blog did used to be called  "The Single Serial Monogamist" I quickly realized there are more of us out there, and I don't want to come off as pompous. 

I have changed my handle to Chronically Attached. Hopefully the pea has been dislodged from beneath her mattress and she can get a good nights rest. 

I'm here for self help, rambling and venting. I am completely new to blogging, I'm unaware of the  etiquette and I'm sure I'll do something else reprehensible, and someone new will hunt me down when I do.

Anyways, Dating is Weird is a pretty entertaining read, I hope they don't get even more pissed at me when I change my blog title to "Blogging is Weird."

Thursday

So I was supposed to work on a big design job kinda thing today, but the "big push" as it goes didn't happen as expected. 

What happened was my friend Jenny talked a bunch of us going downtown to drink. But in reality she wanted to go to American Apparel, and  tricked all parties, the old bait and switch. Somehow it always works. That was followed by mega beers at O Niels, then Mc Glinchy's, some form of food, getting lost among warehouses, smashing vacuums, stealing beer from an ending premiere party that was packed with college freshmen, going to the Barbary to be surprised by open bar, lastly a bro down with 2 extras we picked up along the way at my apartment, and its not even 2 am.